Impact of Parental Mental Illness

 

Children with parents suffering from mental illness often are impacted by their struggle. Carrying the weight of losing a loved one to a mental illness or disorder such as bipolar disorder or Depression can take a serious tole on their own mental health. Often the effort is so focused on supporting the parent through their treatment that their family and children are overlooked.

Children of parents suffering from one or more mental illnesses or disorders often adopt a sense of responsibility for their family or parent at a young age. Not allowing children to experience typical growth and lack of responsibility causes them to grow up and mature before they’re ready. Unresolved trauma and a lack of normalcy in childhood can cause adults to revert to a child-like state which may be explained by a developing mental disorder of their own caused by trauma. The National Library of Medicine describes the genetic and environmental factors that are associated with mental disorders or illnesses developing in children with a parent who also is mentally ill. In the study discussed, researchers examined the impact on development in later childhood and adolescence. They found that, “In this developmental phase, the behavioral effects of parental mental illness manifest themselves in yet another way: often, the child is required to assume tasks and responsibilities that are normally borne by parents and other adults ("parentification"). “. Researchers then explained how the behavioral effects can take many forms including, “The parents are unable to support the child as he or she tries to perform age-specific developmental tasks (particularly competence acquisition, independence, and the development of autonomy).”. The absence of normalcy is carried into adolescence with children who share the burden of a parent’s mental illness.

Growing up I needed to quickly adapt my behavior to avoid the outbursts that accompanied my dad’s untreated mental illness. I missed out on a lot of essential play and freedom to grow because I often became consumed by my fear of my father’s behavior. When I was just starting my freshman year in high school I had a particular confrontation with my dad that will always remain with me. After refusing to watch my siblings so he could abuse alcohol and other substances he came to my house and began to scream at me outside for the whole street to see. I remember his words like it was yesterday.

“Are you listening to me? I love you! You’re such a bitch just like your mom.”, he boomed raising his finger inches from my face.

“You’re not a special fourteen-year-old. You’re just a regular fucking kid and I don’t have time for you!” he said in a tone full of malice.

With one gut wrenching phrase my dad managed to dry up the seemingly bottomless pit of chances I had given him with such naivety. Even though that was over five years ago, today I struggle with the need to please others and voicing my own opinions. Growing up before I was ready to allow my dad to behave immaturely was really hard.

In a study discussed in Psychology Today about the effects of someone’s mental illness on their children, researchers sought to answer a number of questions related to child development. Researchers focused on the lasting impact on participants in adulthood. The results showed that as adults, “Participants had difficulty around trust and intimacy, and found having a functional intimate relationship hard to maintain.”  Frequent absences from the home for treatment stays or incarceration can inhibit the formation of healthy attachment between the parent and child, leaving the child with abandonment issues. Inconsistent behavior and lying or deceit can also negatively impact the child’s relationship and attachment to their parent.

Luckily there are so many professionals available to help families who want to help their loved ones. Uneasy feelings and strained relationships can be mended in many ways. SAMHSA says, “Families should be open to the options of support groups or family therapy and counseling, which can improve treatment effectiveness by supporting the whole family.” Professionals are able to help families in group settings to understand their relative’s struggles in order to help them balance their symptoms. SAMHSA also stresses, “helping a loved one with a mental or substance use disorder can be taxing, so caregivers should take steps to prioritize their own health as well.”. Abuse isn’t excused no matter the circumstances and establishing and maintaining boundaries is an essential aspect of relationships with a struggling parent. Preserving your own mental health and wellbeing should be put above the needs of others no matter how severe their mental illness is. Breaking the cycle in families supports the wellbeing of everyone and allows for new healthy paths to be taken. Counseling is beneficial whether it’s in a group setting, online, or recreational. Finding something that helps you and your family is a top priority.

The ways families can support each other are endless especially for families looking to improve their relationships impacted by mental illness. It’s no secret that our experiences as children shape our personalities and in turn our adult lives. Recognizing the symptoms of mental illness in parents and knowing how children are negatively impacted by their behavior can help to prevent ongoing trauma. Finding a supportive community for growing and healing from said traumatic experiences can help them from carrying through families and generations. Reducing the number of hurt adults in our society starts with preexisting caring individuals recalling their own experiences.